Do You Really Want Someone Just Like You?

Have you recently gone out on a blind date and wondered if there could be a better way?  Have you begun to feel that all real catches are either married or gay?  Are you determined to stop wasting your time and start fulfilling your other dreams?

You may tell yourself that you would be happy if you could only find someone just like you.

However, when you go out on dates with “nice” people, nothing flashes. You begin to doubt your sanity. When you go out with dark, dashing, mysterious men, you often get burned.

Do you just want some excitement or are you looking for true love?​

You really do want chemistry, and you can’t talk yourself out of it for long. It doesn’t come packaged. So you may need to meet a lot of people. The factors behind that sudden spark are too numerous to pin down.​

On the other hand, you know you want something more. You want to share your life with someone you really like, someone you could truly love. You may have a lot of preconceptions as to what constitutes that extra “something.”​

Your Love Frame Is Optional

Our ideal man or woman is referred to as our love frame. It is as though you took an expensive portrait of a movie star idol, and displayed him in a golden frame clustered with diamonds.

He may be a Harvard grad, an astronaut, a brilliant Ph.D., with a deep interest in the arts who is also perfect with children. Above all, he listens, especially to you. Relating to him is effortless. You never have to do any work. Everything just flows.

As you go on in life, you will find that your preconceptions have limited value. At best, they are “nice to haves.”

It may be that ethnicity, cultural background, height, weight, age and intelligence have less importance in the final equation than you think. The world has a limited supply of Jennifer Lawrence’s (Best Actress) or Leonardo DiCaprio’s (Best Actor).

What you really want is someone who sees who you are, who deeply appreciates you, who totally supports you, who would go to the end of the earth to make you happy.​

Even more, you want a man in whose life you could be THE ONE and make a major difference. You want to find and empower genius. Then you can truly say that you have found your soul mate.

His Character Is Non-Negotiable

When you say you want someone just like you, you really mean someone who shares your values, your perceptions and your beliefs. You want a man who can totally relate to your problems, and who, himself, can be a solution to many, if not all, of them.

What lies behind this is a person’s outlook on life and stance toward the world. Men with character have integrity. They say what they mean, and mean what they say. They are doers as much as talkers. They take responsibility for their lives and want to make the world a better place.

You want a man capable of seeing the world through your eyes, not too far above you, not too far below you.

Perhaps he is above you in his perspective just enough to make you stretch a bit, but certainly not so far above that he overwhelms you. You may not be ready for a saint. You may simply want an authentic human being.

How to Identify the Perfect Match

People into transformation came up with a breakthrough tool, the Integrity Tone Scale. This scale, loosely derived from Scientology and inspired by the groundbreaking work of Werner Erhard in his original est training, reveals how people experience love.

The key to feeling loved by another is having someone recognize and commit to the solution of your problems AS YOU SEE THEM.

It is not a question of right or wrong. It is just a question of a constricted or expanded perspective. You would feel lost in a vastly expanded perspective, and choked in too tight a perspective.​

If we look at the extremes on the scale, we see women who regard problems as a matter of betrayal and seek a man who can give them revenge.

Glenn Close and John Malkovich in Dangerous Liaisons illustrate this. This American classic is a fascinating portrayal of the French aristocracy in the old order just before the revolution. John is a carefree playboy, and Glenn is a socialite with amorous adventures. Both unconsciously hold a deep love for each other. When their wires get crossed, it results in mutual tragedy.​

The problem is betrayal. The solution is revenge.

On the other end of the scale, you have people who actually welcome problems, which they see as mere challenges. In such a world, all you need do is improve on your efforts and everything will work out.

This is not the experience of many of us, for whom life is a constant struggle.​

If you experience problems as a form of attack, you might relate to someone who sees them as a form of obligation. You might want the man to defend you.

However, he might show you a way to more effectively deal with them. If he kept insisting that your problems are not real, as many do in the New Thought Movement, you might feel he is from another planet and ditch him in seconds flat.

*Related article:   Do You and Your Lover Speak the Same Language?

How to Tie the Knot

When you feel mutual chemistry, and you find a man who can totally relate to you, you may be ready to take the relationship to an intimate level and consider a formal commitment.

What you need to do then is recognize and appreciate differences for what they are. Especially, all the things about him that will never change. Not just his height and weight, but also whether he is a heavy drinker, smoker or does drugs.​

Acknowledge him. Make him feel the most important man alive. Believe in him. Open your heart to him as to what you hope to build together. Get him to confide his fears and concerns.

Let him get comfortable being with you. If you don’t push it, he may soon discover he can’t really get along without you, pick up a diamond ring and pop the question.

Listening, gratitude, appreciation, mutual trust and unshaking faith in one another are irresistible to the right man... and the right woman!​

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