Once upon a time, a TV commercial featured a pilot flying into a hurricane until he reaches the eye, the ultracalm center of the storm. The pilot then reaches for his pack and lights up to take a break.
You have seen the matador bowing to the adulation of the spectators in the bullring, facing a restless bull, armed only with a red cape and a carefully hidden sword. The matador teases the baited bull into rushing towards him, only to turn away at the perfect moment. He knows it will be either him or the bull, but he dances throughout the spectacle, celebrating the magnificence of life.
The great American novelist called this “machismo.” We may simply call it grace under pressure.
Being Cool is Grace Under Pressure
When we are passing from childhood to adulthood, we pass through that wonderfully awkward stage of being a teenager. We find that we are neither children nor adults. We are beginning to discover that our parents are fallible, that they don’t know everything. For the time being, we can’t totally relate to any adult, or any child. We can only relate to our peers.
In high school, we usually find one or two teens, both male and female, who are supercool. They seem as poised as any adult and can think for themselves, as spokespeople for the next generation. Even though they are talented brains, football stars or beauty queens, they are generally nice people. All the kids like them, and see them as their exemplars.
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Like John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John in the movie, Grease, they show grace under pressure. They are too busy building their own lives to waste much time complaining about anything. They have unshakable faith that everything will work out, and they don’t shrink from occupying the spotlight. How we wish we had their secret!
The secret to being cool is… knowing how to BE and deal with / or under pressure… at any give time… in the most graceful way possible.
Knowing Who You Are and What You Want
It all starts with knowing who you are, and what you want. You may be a Jennifer Lawrence, discovered at any early age, who made Hunger Games so memorable. At 26, Jennifer won Best Actress and earned $50 million in a single year. While no doubt she had many breaks, and had an exceptional combination of beauty and talent, most likely Jennifer knew early on that all she ever wanted to be was an actress.
For most of us, this takes a bit longer. Getting a college degree for 20-somethings today can take nearly a decade. Instead of driving a taxi, you may work at Starbuck’s and survive on tips. You have some interests, some favorite classes and some vision of a professional role, but it takes considerable effort for it all to come together.
There are causes that you care deeply about, not the least of which is Saving the Planet. You may not like the way adults are calling the shots, but you feel relatively powerless to do anything about it. You overlook the fact that people can go now globally viral in just a few days via Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, or any other social network.
Cool Comes with Discovering Your Destiny and Getting On with It
Whenever you step back in your life and take in the larger picture, you capture a deep feeling for why you might be here and how you can serve others. It might be biking in the hills over the weekend, with a gorgeous forest surrounding you and an enchanted sky. Something needs doing in the world, and you were put here to move this vision along. Richard Bolles’ What Color Is Your Parachute? can get you started.
In the book, Richard suggests that you study your values, interests, preferences and achievements to get a clearer and clearer take on your mission. When you discover your passion in life, you then interview people who share that passion for information. Your focus is on looking and listening and asking questions.
One interview leads to the next, and then a pattern emerges. You even discover job opportunities along the way. You begin to feel a role shaping up that you can uniquely occupy. You become increasingly intent on serving, and eventually you get invited in to make a difference.
The more that happens, the more people will be drawn to you, finding you irresistible.
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Living Totally in the Present
When you live in the present, you are rarely in your head. Your senses are sharpened. You notice the details of people and things all around you. Your attention is not on yourself, but on them.
You are not caught up in comparing yourself with others, with all the men smarter or richer than you, or all the women more beautiful and accomplished than you. You find your satisfaction in just BEING.
As so few people in our contemporary society spend their time in the Eternal Now Moment, you will stand out as a potential star. You will cultivate your social skills, because you will be more present to interact with others. When you goof up, you slightly blush, laugh it off and join in with others.
Living in the present also means that you are passionate about your mission and values, but you are also not excessively attached to your agenda. You are focused on a higher purpose, and that is most definitely NOT about looking good. Sure, you groom and pay attention to what you wear, but you look much better when you are not caught up pretending to be somebody else.
Being present and thinking different... are the two major contributors to being cool.
Cherishing Everyone You Meet
Supercool people genuinely love others. They have nothing to prove, as their life is not about them, but about their vision. They are determined to do whatever they can to bring heaven and earth together. They are simultaneously strong and vulnerable. They are totally willing to both give and receive. Part of loving is to let yourself BE loved.
True, cherishing people truly requires a transformation. However, any teenager is a prime candidate for falling totally in love. This early romance is a prerequisite to loving the Supreme Bing (God), and to loving everyone else. We are all interlinked. We all share the same energy source.
Supercool people follow the example of the Dalai Lama. They can deeply relate to anyone, young or old, regardless of their race, religion, bank account or dress. Their sense of Self keeps expanding outward to include larger and larger circles, until it engulfs the entire world.
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Cool Begins with Seeing the Highest Potential in Everyone
Transformational masters insist on being surrounded only by magnificent people. This is not because they are hung up on who are the right people. It is rather that they make whoever interacts with them right.
This is totally in line with the Buddha, who repeatedly saw the highest potential of each of his disciples in this incarnation. Christ took Peter, a simple fisherman in a corner of the Roman Empire, and taught him how to fish people, thereby changing the world, and creating the world’s largest religion.
You can begin to become a master by treasuring everyone in your life, seeing their hidden talents, and appreciating all their positive traits, whether it is in creating a digital canvas, or planting trees in a vacant lot to counter global warming.
The truth is that each of us IS magnificent. It is just that we spend most of our life pretending that we are NOT.
If you find a young man or woman, and give them life direction and a global vision, you will be regarded by them as supercool. They will never forget this. Your task then will be helping them give yet others a life direction and a global vision.
If you think you are not up this, ask again. You wouldn’t be reading these lines unless you were called to make a difference. You ARE super cool, despite all your protestations to the contrary.
Keeping Cool is Keeping the Faith – No Matter What
Once you connect with your commitment to make a difference in this world, once you invoke the Divine Presence in your life, you will keep the faith. As a part of this, you might then wish to build your social skills.
You might find the course, Psychology of Attraction and Likability, delightful and deeply insightful in understanding people on a slightly deeper level. The instructor, Dr. Andrew Luttrell, has taught 17,000 students, and informs the video discussions with the latest insights from experimental psychology.
Andrew takes a factual, no-frills approach. He helps you better understand the dynamics of interaction, but leaves it up to you how best to apply these insights.
Building a career in professional sales and marketing, I found my earlier study of social psychology immensely helpful in arriving at the place of intuitively interacting with people of every descript as their friend. Most certainly, this course could support one of your prime objectives. Check it out.
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