Somewhere beyond right and wrong, there is a garden.
I will meet you there.
You may have had a couple of nasty run-ins with your husband lately, and bristled with a feeling of being deeply unappreciated. It has all become so routine, even boring. The children demand so much of your time. Things are no longer lovey-dovey between you two anymore, even though you treat each other civilly.
You are very concerned as to the direction your marriage is headed. You may secretly be wondering what he is doing with all his spare time. Yet you lack sufficient grounds for a major confrontation.
Is this as good as it gets?
Why 50% of Marriages Today End Up in Divorce
In ancient days, wedding vows had teeth in them. Your parents were actively involved in the selection of your mate. Your whole community came to your wedding. You solemnly vowed to accept your bride or groom for better or worse. You had the backup of a large, extended family, plus church, synagogue or mosque. Everyone was rooting for you.
Today, most marriages are “love” marriages, driven by sexual passion, infatuation or genuine romance. Many marriages are initiated shortly after college. There is a minimum of civil and religious support. Wedding vows are often much looser. You don’t always have to answer to God in the wedding ceremony. It is all so much easier, and so much less satisfying.
Let’s look at divorce stats in the U.S. alone: 41% of first time marriages end in divorce; then 60% of second marriages and 73% of third marriages end in divorce. Wild!
Add onto this a general decline in real wages, a vastly accelerated pace of life and a continual barrage of digital media. You hardly ever have a chance to even breathe, to search your soul.
More and more, each partner is primarily looking for what he or she can get. This can easily degenerate into infidelity, physical or verbal abuse and substance abuse.
Marriage Is a 100% / 100% Proposition
Most people who get married are quite reasonable. After all, they had enough integrity to commit to a life partner, and they mustered up the courage to totally believe in another person. No one walks into a civil or religious marriage with the intent of divorce.
We are all inclined to respect and work toward a 50 / 50 proposition. I do my part, and you do your part. I have my role, and you have your role, and we split the proceeds. If I am a good husband to you, then if things go wrong, it must be all your fault. Surely, I can’t control your thoughts and emotions. So sorry!
Enlightened masters remind us that relationships are always a 100% / 100% proposition. In your universe, you are 100% responsible for what happens. Everything your wife says and does to you. No pointing fingers. Just look into the mirror. Your wife, also, has the same 100% responsibility. In her universe, everything you think, say and do, SHE CAUSES.
In your universe, you are responsible for everything you think, say or do. You caused it. Take responsibility. Don’t blame others.
You may scoff at such mystical expansiveness, but then, again, do you want to kiss off the possibility of a miraculous life and relationship?
Your Mate Is Worth Fighting For
If you were genuinely in love with your husband when you got engaged and went through the marriage ceremony, why should he suddenly become a monster now?
You may have even raised children together, and in the face of an empty nest, he has gradually grown aloof and cold. Surely it is all his fault! There couldn’t possibly have been anything you said that alienated him. Not you!
Very often, we are passive-aggressive. We are not very forthright about what we want and need. We shrink from being assertive. We may even doubt that our communication skills are all that clean. It is so easy to slip into sarcasm, and always criticism. So many women forget that what a man wants most from a woman is for her to truly believe in him.
When you fight to revitalize, or even save your marriage, that is actually an expression of love on your part. Very often, your spouse will get it. If she is THE ONE for you, you would be crazy to see her develop active interest in another man, no matter how young, handsome and rich he may be. Originally, there was something so compelling about you, something that made her fall in love with you.
Has it forever disappeared, or is it perhaps hidden in layer after layer of withheld communication?
When Marriage Separation Actually Works
From time to time, in relationships and marriages, space is needed for both man and woman to sort out their feelings and identify what is truly important to them. Today, both men and women have careers. Both parents are typically involved in raising their children. Both men and women feel a keen deficit in both time and money.
When was the last time you had a rip-roaring vacation together?
When you both sense a real appreciation for one another, but can’t find peace, due to children, career pressures or a stretched budget, it might make sense to spend a few days or weeks apart, while keeping in close touch with each other. Many writers love to go to a cabin in the forest to work on their next book. This may not be their wives’ thing, or the wives are straddled with taking care of the kids.
Often times, when couples try to patch things up, things actually get worse, as they viciously nag each other, and defend their own view point.
What is required is deep listening, which you might get with a marriage counselor, or by spending quality time alone. Whenever I have an argument with my partner, I think about what she said afterwards. I usually realize that she was right.
How to Create a Marriage Made in Heaven
A marriage made in heaven IS made in heaven. When you, as a couple, give the spiritual dimension primacy in your lives, a hidden force emerges that transforms your relationship. When you conform to the guidance of Higher Power, you most often want to give your spouse every benefit of the doubt. You love Divine Being through her, just as she sees Divine Being in you.
This way… your respect for each other continuously grows… and love becomes deeply rooted.
Your relationship becomes about much more than your career, your kids and your bank account. Your relationship is about making a difference in the world, extending the light to everyone. When you awaken to your only True and Ultimate Self, you find an infinite source of love spilling over to your spouse. That very same love can bounce back and forth between the two of you, such that you have a superabundance to offer to the world.
A conscious life, and a conscious relationship start with putting first things first. As Jesus Christ put it early in His ministry: Seek first the Kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added unto you. Whatever form your devotion and practice takes, it will quadruple its power when shared with your mate.
Bring Back Marital Bliss… Starting Today!
If you are like me, you want to gain a broad overview of what is happening in your marriage. While you might seek out a therapist, you probably want to very discretely seek the advice of relationship guru online, such as Amy Waterman, who has helped over 6,000 couples stay together in a transformed relationship.
You don’t want to spend a ton of money upfront. You want to carefully think it through and get some initial feedback.
Amy has a reputation for being exceptionally empathetic with both men and women. People are impressed that she is a born relationship healer. She started by saving her best friend’s marriage, and ended up creating dozens of action points and exercises that could apply to anyone. She also learned to work with people one step at a time without overloading them.
Amy has created a complete online course, Save My Marriage Today, with a comprehensive manual, breaking down all the steps you need to revitalize your marriage. She includes options for personal consultation, and adds bonus material, such as what to do in a full-blown marriage crisis. Her price is ridiculously affordable, and she backs it all up with a 60-day written guarantee. (Although hardly anyone asks for the refund).
Why not take a simple step today to bring your husband and wife closer to you. Chances are that he or she will immediately detect a difference in you. After all, it is very hard to fight off true love!
What To Do When Marriage Separation Is Not An Option appeared first on http://consciousowl.com.
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