You may find yourself truly in limbo. You are dating or living with a gentleman who is both comfortable and familiar, but who totally takes you for granted.
For whatever reason, your feelings are not reciprocated. You never spend time together any more. When you do, your man doesn’t seem to be all there. Half the time, you even find yourself checked out.
When you began, it was all very exciting and promising. He may have even fit your pictures. However, soon afterwards, it all became dull and lackluster... a very short “honeymoon.”
What happened?
To top this all off, you realize that this has occurred, not once, but several different times in your life. The individual guys may have looked different, but basically, they were all the same type of gorgeous hunk…good sex, but no love.
When This DOESN’T Apply
As we dive into this topic today, we need to point out, that we are not going to discuss extreme circumstances in this article.
This does not at all apply to extremely sick men who are habitually drunk or drug addicts. Nor does it apply to men who are excessively fond of their pistol. If the man has beaten you up, or even threatened to, you may need to exit today. Take your purse and credit cards and get right out of there.
However, most of us are not in anything like that scenario. We are genuinely mystified by the person we like to believe is our partner. We wonder why we are so chronically unlucky, even victimized.
You, Yourself, May Be the Wrong Partner
It is very easy to focus all of our attention on what we want to the exclusion of any consideration as to what we have to give. We are out to get what we think we deserve.
We apply the most superficial criteria to others. We have a tight schedule and want others to readily adapt to our every whim.
You may be extraordinarily attractive. Granted you put a lot of time in the morning to looking beautiful. However, you didn’t do anything to deserve your bone structure and perfect complexion. You may not have gotten the attention from men you enjoy on your personality alone.
Even worse, you may have never really developed your intellect. You took the easiest major you could find. You never took much time to delve deeply within. You were having too much fun and games. You can scarcely even imagine that you have a shadow and may require a lot of inner work.
You Are Living Out an Unconscious Pattern
Often instant attraction is based upon preconceived characteristics that are emotionally and sexually charged. If you have any doubts as to whom may be attractive, the media will put them to rest.
In truth, we can bond with anyone, male or female, given enough time. The feelings may not be exactly sexual or romantic, but you can achieve a feeling of intimacy.
We rarely consider that friendship and companionship is the foundation of every single relationship. It is important to really like people, and to be likable ourselves. We need to feel good about ourselves, and help others feel good about themselves.
What often pulls us under is what Carl Jung called the Animus for females and the Anima for males.
This is the idealized concept of father or mother that is highly sexualized. It is like an inner image that steers us to certain people and suddenly pops out. We are suddenly certain that they will complete us. That man is THE ONE for me!
Are You In This Purely For Recreation?
Many of us date just because it is fun and adventurous. Apart from concerns around pregnancy, we can let go and have a fling with someone of the opposite sex. Initially, it is a lot more exciting than simply spending time with the gals.
This is all the more so if the man you fancy is loaded, and willing to spend a lot of money on you. Who cares about the future? Who cares about what he is really like? If the time you spend together meets your pictures, why even question it?
The great American mythologist, Joseph Campbell, spoke about marriage as an ordeal. He married Jean Erdman, one of his former students and a ballerina. Joe mentioned that it was like two masks going out together. Sooner or later, one or the other mask would break.
He no longer saw his anima in Jean, and she no longer saw her animus in him. The opportunity at that point was to have compassion for the other person, to love him or her for whom he or she really is.
Joe mentioned that most of us would back away and keep the cycle going from relationship to relationship, never tearing off the mask.
In my opinion, when you are afraid to be your true self… it is damaging to both parties. It’s like walking on thin ice… until it cracks and breaks… dropping you into cold, and dark water.
Is He Offering You Lessons You Need to Master?
Underneath it all, we are all in a dance together. We are drawn to people who can best teach us what we need to know to move on in this incarnation.
No one is better at pushing buttons than your lover. If a relationship is entered consciously, it is the perfect vehicle to grow up and awaken to our deeper self.
In this life, we, as individuals, come with a specific set of strengths and weaknesses. We will often find just the people who complement us. We can serve them with our strengths, and they can help us fill in the undeveloped parts of our psyche.
Related article: Do You Really Want Someone Just Like You?
This process, however, is never a breeze. We all move through upsets and disillusionment until we go deeper and deeper. We eventually learn to serve the other person. We find that we actually do have something to give that is priceless.
You CAN Transform Your Relationship
Whoever you might be with, you have an opportunity to work some magic. Here are a few simple steps that are difficult to master, but relatively easy to initiate.
You might want to do this in conjunction with transformational training from such organizations as Landmark Education or find a good relationship therapist. You might even move forward with the support of a peer.
- Start listening deeply to your partner.
- Appreciate everything he does and continually give thanks… (or show your appreciation in other cute and feminine ways).
- Believe in him, and help him to uncover his genius, his project to change the world.
- Bless him silently every morning and evening.
- Be there for him in all the twists and turns of his daily life.
- Ask him how you can be a better partner.
If you could sustain these suggestions for any length of time, and if it all didn’t come across as contrived, you would find him wildly enthusiastic about you. I have seen enough of this in my own life to vouch for its potency.
You CAN have the relationship of your dreams. Just try not to settle for a man who does not deserve you! And if you are in the relationship that is worth building on and growing… then let your pretenses go, open your heart and truly love the one you’re already with.
Why Do I Keep Choosing the Wrong Partner? appeared first on http://consciousowl.com.
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