“He loves me…He loves me not.” “She loves me…She loves me not.” In this scenario, the young lady is typically plucking the petals of a daisy, secretly hoping that she ends up with “He loves me.”
Very often, the young man is asking much the same thing, only more likely flipping a coin.
It is understandable that we would be apprehensive about falling in love. Never are we more vulnerable. Never are the demands stronger on us to be utterly transparent with another human being. We are all afraid of unrequited love. Can we really trust someone else?
Are You Sure You’re Not Still In Love?
The initial excitement between man and woman can easily wear off, as we often fall in love with a projected image, something Carl Jung called the Animus or Anima, your idealized image, someone who fits your preconceived love frame.
We initially get an infusion of dopamine that feels much like a drug, literally altering our blood chemistry, giving us an adrenaline rush. This cannot be indefinitely sustained. It will either fade in and out, or eventually subside.
Everyone knows the feeling of being on a honeymoon, much like a hard-earned vacation, only to come to the realization that it is over and “real life” has set in. Later on in a relationship, you can come to “the seven year itch,” when other women or men seem a whole lot more exciting than the one you are with.
If you keep falling in and out of love with the very same person, it is actually a healthy sign.
As love deepens, you appreciate your partner in more and more subtle ways. You realize that you love him or her on more than one level. How often do you tune-in and have a closer look?
What Is the True Opposite of Love?
If asked on an IQ test what is the direct opposite of love, you would almost certainly say, “hate.” However, in real life, the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. Love and hate occupy a continuum, and we tend to gravitate towards one end or the other.
India has a wonderful tale of Lord Shiva responding to a disciple’s question, “Who do you love more? Those who love you or those who hate you?” Shiva responded, “Those who hate me, as they will think about me all the time!”
Have You Had Your First Fight?
Some people enter a relationship with a very naïve set of ideas. You must love each other constantly, being in perfect harmony in all things. Only marry people just like you, not different than you. If you have any disagreement, that means you weren’t meant for each other.
A little fight here and there is totally fine.
Fighting is often a sign that your partner actually cares about you, that your relationship is worth fighting for. Nothing is so important to that person than your attention, or the experience of complete communication.
You listen to her, and let her know you heard her. She immediately acknowledges you heard her, and you acknowledge her acknowledgement, ad infinitum. The feeling of completion can be supremely satisfying.
Sometimes, the fight is an unskillful bid for sex, as fighting can literally arouse you to find your partner angry. “You look so beautiful when you are angry!”
What you need to address is the possibility that you are fighting all the time, and that there is no remission. Also, you need to fight clean, rather than hit your partner below the belt. Watch the four-letter words! They sting and stick.
Is It Possible to Fall in Love at First Sight?
Most definitely YES. I have fallen in love more than once, as I have, in my earlier life, been a hopeless romantic in love with love, itself. I cannot honestly say in every case where lust ended, and love began.
I met someone later in life with whom I truly fell in love. It was literally at first sight. I have felt every emotion toward her imaginable. Yet I realize underneath it all that I love her passionately.
It may be worth holding out to meet that one. If the man or woman doesn’t really excite you or fire up your imagination, why not just make him or her your friend?
Is It Possible to Live Happily Ever After?
I believe so. It seems like gratitude is the ticket. Do you no longer take him or her for granted? Do you deeply respect each other? Are you more and more important to one another as time drifts by? Can you really imagine yourself with anyone else in this incarnation?
Become self-aware of your mind and heart by asking these questions.
Sometimes your heart will not align (100%) with your mind and vice versa… therefore, looking within once in awhile helps. Notice what comes up and see what area needs a bit more attention and nurturing.
Is Your Relationship About Something Bigger Than Itself?
A relationship of “You and me against the world, baby!” is difficult to maintain. It is good so long as you have a hot motorcycle and a sleek leather jacket.
A relationship is a place to make a difference. It is a springboard to contribute to humanity. It may come from a cause, such as ending environmental catastrophe, devotion to our Source, as you begin to see God in each other, or a joyful conspiracy for growth and enlightenment as you jointly come to realize your Ultimate Identity.
Do You Really Like Each Other?
As the smoke clears and the decades elapse, you will find that the most important thing in human relationships is companionship, or true friendship.
The simplest criterion to determine if you belong together is whether you really like each other, despite one another’s seeming flaws.
Here, appearance, personality and character enter in. Some people are always cheerful. Others are very sociable. Someone who always keeps his or her word is priceless and very hard to find.
Who Is The Most Important Person in Your Life?
If you are not the most important person in your life, then you are probably in love with someone else.
You might ironically feel that you are falling out of love when your partner is all you can think about. A man often finds himself by seeing himself in someone else.
What Can You GIVE to the Relationship?
The most important issue may be what you can bring to the relationship.
Can you make a difference in someone else’s life? Does that person make you happy? Does he or she inspire you? Does he or she believe in you? Need I say anything more?
What Possibilities Does Your Relationship Hold?
An enlightened perspective on people is to meet someone and ask what are the future possibilities with that person?
Do they need to be a lover? Do they need to be a mate? Can you have a partnership or friendship that would be thrilling in, and of, itself?
Should You Move On, Or Is This Just the Beginning?
Unless you are verbally abusive to one another, or in danger of physical violence, it is worth looking at all the possibilities of a relationship. Healthy relationships can be transformed. They need not end.
If you are single… become self-aware of the energy you put out.
Most of the time, we reflect or mirror what’s within us. Clear all clouds… meaning, all your negative energy, like your bad experiences from the past and you’ll open the door for something fresh, and pleasantly surprising.
And then… you’ll be ready to sing along with Jake Bugg (A Song About Love) - “…I just want to find where you are…”
As you move forward in your life and start giving thanks for everyone who comes your way, you are going to attract a lot of beautiful people, maybe even THE ONE… for you!
Self-Awareness: Falling Out of Love appeared first on http://consciousowl.com.
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