“I Am Sorry” Is Very Powerful

Do you remember how uncomfortable you felt the last time you really upset your spouse?

Perhaps you had promised to pick up the kids from school and then totally forgot. Your wife had to leave an event she had been looking forward to for ages to cover for you on short notice.

Not only was she upset, but your kids, also, were deeply disappointed, having looked forward to spending those extra hours with you. What they were all left with is that you don’t care.​

Why an Apology Is So Important

We are never totally rational. There is always an emotional current under everything we do. When two people are intimate, this gets amplified, requiring continuous attention. It is too easy to fall back on a pretense that you can do no wrong. If you think about this position for even a moment, it is totally absurd.

We all make mistakes, and often end up hurting the very people we love without even knowing why.

We can use words like “I am sorry” in an empty fashion without meaning them, and they will likely backfire on you. You must actually FEEL firsthand the discomfort you have caused another.​

You might not fully realize exactly how you caused it, but you can always be willing to look at another’s upset from the point of view that you had something to do with it.

What You Mean When You Say You Are Sorry

It isn’t so much the exact words that you use as it is an attitude of love and solicitous concern toward the one you have offended that counts. Werner Erhard pointed out that responsibility is not about blame, shame or guilt.

When we make someone else responsible, we are actually evading responsibility. Responsibility is the willingness to look at life from the vantage point that YOU caused whatever happens. You need not know just how. All you need is the recognition that you had something to do with it.

When you say that you are sorry, you give up any righteous position you are holding that could be used to justify your actions. The only thing that matters is that you caused the one you love inconvenience, discomfort, emotional and even physical, pain.​

You regret that it happened, and you affirm that it will never happen again. You have your partner’s back, and you will protect her whatever happens in the future.

When you really feel the other’s pain in your own heart and mind, you will find that you wish it had happened to you, rather than her. No time or expense is too much to make her happy again. You know all too well that your own happiness is intertwined with hers.​

How to Apologize Under Normal Circumstances

Let’s say that forgot to pick up the kids and forced your wife to cancel an event she was looking forward to for months:

“Honey, I am very sorry that I totally blanked out tonight.” [Pause. Your wife may want to give you a piece of her mind at this point. DON’T DEFEND YOURSELF. Let her sock it to you for five minutes, if that is what it takes.] “You are absolutely right. I was thoughtless and stupid. I ruined your evening and upset the kids. I know how much you were looking forward to a night out with the girls. I regret being so inconsiderate. I will not let it happen again.”​

After your mate has calmed down, you can explain what came up that made you lose it. “My boss was under huge pressure from corporate and asked me to go over the numbers with him at the very last moment. He took me to task on several points, and I ended up with a huge lecture that took me past 7:00 PM.”​

What I have found with my partner is that it works best to shut up and really listen to her without defending myself when she explains her upset. I end up agreeing with her, because I really do love her and know she is almost always right. Because she loves me, she is very willing to let go and move on when I get it. I deeply appreciate that about her.

How to Apologize When You Have Totally Messed Up

Let’s say that you love your wife very much, and you have been faithful to her up until now. A couple days back, you went on an out-of-state business trip, drank too much, felt lonely and ended up having a one-night stand. Somehow your wife caught wind of it, despite your best efforts to the contrary, and you have just returned home alone from the airport.

In this situation, you are not going to talk your way out of it. A simple “I’m so sorry. I won’t do it again” just won’t cut it.

She is sobbing and about to throw a dish at you. You had better listen very carefully, gaze her in the eyes and not defend yourself one iota. If you are not crying with her at this point, you ARE in bigger trouble than you imagine.​

“Please forgive me, darling. I have totally let you down. I don’t know what happened. All I know right now is that I love you very much and want nothing more in all the world than your forgiveness.”

Although you may well spend the night in the doghouse, or worse, there is a real possibility that she will consider your words and actually forgive you. At this point, you need to make amends and earn back her trust. You’ve got to really look at you life and see what is going on. Maybe you choose to stop drinking, for starters… stop taking her for granted and start treating her like the queen that she is in truth.​

Related topic:  Discover Peace And Harmony You Always Wanted

Forgiveness as a Transformative Context

When the Apostle Peter turned to Jesus Christ and asked him, “Rabbi, if my brother offends me seven times in one day, can I then turn around and swat him?” Jesus responded, “Not 70 times seven.”

That is a lot of times to offend your brother in a single day! What Jesus was teaching his disciples is that God is love, and the Love of God is absolute.

Whatever your spiritual outlook, whether God is Higher Power, Infinite Intelligence or the Supreme Being, Jesus introduced a context with the power to utterly transform our world today. What he meant by “sin” would now be translated as failure or blowing it.​

The context that turned the world upside down in the First Century, and will light up your life today is: FROM ETERNITY PAST TO ETERNITY FUTURE. YOUR SINS ARE FORGIVEN. GOD IS NOT KEEPING POINTS, NEITHER NOW NOR EVER.

While divine, we are all too human. We learn the most by making mistakes. We will fail each other even with the best of intentions. When you let it in that your Creator really loves you personally, you will be empowered to forgive, and keep forgiving, not only yourself, but everyone else.

There is no better year than this one, and there is no better day than today to get started! So don’t hold it within, go ahead and say - I am sorry - but first… make sure you mean it.​

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